| Featured:
Rent a Partner
What do you do if your regular hunting
partner can't come along on the trip? You turn to Rent-A-Partner, of
course. Story and Photos by Jeff Varvil.
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Tap,
tap, tap, like a platoon of marching soldiers, the driving Alaskan rain
sounds off against my skull. My newly mink oiled cowboy hat is peeled
clean by the 3 inches of rain that has fallen in the last couple of hours.
As the leather brim finally gives way, the ice-cold water creates a
virtual river that runs down my face, neck and into my raincoat. He must
have seen the frown. Without missing a beat my hunting partner “Doc” says,
“Well, At least there’s no bugs”. “Not unless they have snorkels,” I reply
with a big smile not wanting to be outdone. Having a proven hunting or
fishing partner is worth its weight in gold. From just an occasional pick
me up joke, to a full-blown rescue, I believe hunting and fishing in
Alaska is a two-man sport. Looking for a reliable hunting and fishing
partner had proven harder than looking for a spouse. Not that I’m knocking
the spouse idea. For those of you that have great hunting and fishing
spouses, congrats, I have heard rumors of you; this is for the other 99%
of us. Remember that you need to rely and trust each other, even while
your both holding guns!
About 2 years ago Doc was grounded at
home with a pregnant wife so I had to get a “Rent a Partner” for a couple
of trips. I hated to do it but it was the opener for moose season and his
wife was at 8 ¾ Months pregnant. Having 3 kids of my own I was semi
sympathetic to his plight, but the wilds of Alaska called and off I went.
(Note, technically it is not cheating, as long as your hunting partner
knows his or her replacement is only temporary.)
Here are my top 10 tips to help you find your Rent a Partner.
 1. I look for the dumbest person I
know. Like your neighbor. The one who borrowed your chainsaw and filled
it with diesel fuel. Try to find a chubby one. Walk them into the
ground. You don’t want them bringing their sorry butt back to your spot
with the “buddies”. So make sure they have none.
2. You have to be able to get them lost easy. Just drive around the
woods first and see how they do. Keep pointing out water and calling it
moose creek and Pike Lake. That will throw them for a loop later when
they are giving the buddy’s in the 49th battalion directions to your
spot!
3. Bad vision is a plus. One eye would be great. If they cant read the
signs they will never find the way back to your stand. Don’t worry about
them getting lost, as they will always be walking behind you anyway.
With the bad eyes they won’t be able to get lucky and spot game before
you either, not that it would matter, since they are only allowed to
carry the hatchet or the meat saw.
4. The person must be strong. They may potentially be packing your meat.
5. Look for a recent knee or foot injury. You want to be able to out run
them in case that bear hunt goes badly.
6. Now this is strictly for your fun. Try to find a neighbor with one of
those new Avalanche Suv/Truck conversion deals. Just keep asking them to
pull over and say, “OK, now make it the truck again” “Ok, now the Suv”.
You don’t want to scratch your truck while your getting them lost on
that 4-wheeler trail do you? They pay for the gas and the speeding
tickets.
7. Their father in law must either own a bar, meat-processing company or
be a taxidermist. Ok, a bar owning meat cutter who has a taxidermist
friend will work here.
8. They have to have access to an all terrain vehicle.
9. They must have the utmost respect for Canis Lupus, the beautiful free
roaming Alaskan Wolf, yet still be overcome with the desperate urge to
shoot him.
10. They must be female.
 On
a serious note, you should know and trust your hunting partner. In 2001 I
was on a moose hunt with a fellow who matched about 4 of the 10 rules
above. Anyway, we were sitting behind a log and I had just finished a
series of cow calls when out of the brush, not 200 yards from us appeared
a huge Bull Moose that I estimated to be around 70”. The big bull was
closing on us fast and we had not worked out who was going to take this
monster. With Doc we rotate every year. But this was different. I set down
my bow and pulled out a coin. I tossed it into the air and told the newbie
to “Call it”. It landed on Heads. It did not matter. This genius stands up
from behind the log and gives the worst bull call in the history of bull
calls. Mooooooooooogrrrrrrrrrrr! The moose did a perfect 180 and did mach
60 in the other direction. “I meant call the coin!” It was too late.
A great partner will buy first class gear just like yours. Many times in
Alaska one item will break and you will have to rely on a backup. From
flashlights to tent poles its serious business up here when all goes bad.
Packing moose is a two-person job. Do it once by yourself and you will
swear you will never do it again. Just trying to move it around for
butchering is a chore. A moose gives plenty of meat for two families and
that’s why Doc and I trade up every year.
Then there are those Volkswagen bugs with
teeth we call Brown Bears. You just feel a little more secure with another
guy. I am a bow hunter and it is also nice to have a rifle over my
shoulder if I need it. Take a sheep hunt for instance. The more you can
pack between you, the less you have to carry yourself. Well you get my
point.
After hunting with the same guy for years
you know what to expect during times of despair. If there is one thing the
Alaska weather can give you in a hurry, it’s despair. Can you rely on him
to get you out of a jam if you are unable to help your self? Kids are
great hunting partners. They are little human sponges that can be taught
your way of doing things. They also look up to older hunters and the ethic
lessons handed down will last them a lifetime. Take your son or daughter
with you.
My grandfather told me years ago that true
friendships are like corn. They were both grown in the field. He was
trying to tell me something back then. It just made me hungry at the age
of 8. I loved corn. He hunted
with his partner of 69 years, my grandmother. God rest his soul.
Take care and enjoy what this great
state offers you.
Editor's note: Alaskan guide Jeff Varvil
had hunters guffawing all over the `net with "The
Goat Hunt From Hell" published earlier on OutdoorsDirectory.com
Jeff manages Alaska Raft and Kayak in Anchorage.
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